May 2013
sweeneytad:
*dentist slaughters family in front of you*
they’re bleeding because you don’t floss
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For the second time in my post secondary educational life, I’m not worried about finals or the semester ending because my grades are actually really good and I know what the fuck im doing as opposed to being a lazy, apathetic shit
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Mashed potatoes
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Im eating a stew with potatoes and im really happy
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I don’t think potatoes have ever let me down
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tardisity:
The oldest person alive was born on April 19, 1897, meaning that April 18th, 1897 was approximately the last time the Earth was inhabited by an entirely different set of people and if you don’t think that’s the realist shit ever then you can get right on outta town.
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themano:
damn gurl those are some
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sloth-grunge:
do you think if i die now i’ll have enough time to be reincarnated as kim kardashians baby
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So one of my friends does this thing every now and then and it’s really fucking irritating and I’m sick of it so I prepared a heated text on my phone that I would send to him the next time he does this thing and shit I read it back to myself and it made me want to cry LOL idk if I should send it anymore…. way 2 raw
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shego:
true friendship is skyping but not talking to each other the entire time
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Man With World's Longest Arms Arrested for Waving
msjewbooty:
He was waving and he broke a few things, killed a few dudes
asssasssin:
I just took a pregnancy test I’m not pregnant I’m just fat
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Im gonna throw up
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Alcohol is so EVIL I keep embarrassing myself someone take my phone away Fuck
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genocidercyo:
clockey:
you’re the window to my wall
you’re the sweat that drips down my balls
